I woke up this morning, like I do almost every morning. My first moments of consciousness is spent trying to will my mind to return to sleep. I don’t want to wake up. I keep telling myself if I don’t open my eyes, I’m not really awake. The reality of it is, if I’m asleep, I don’t remember that Dave is gone, and how much that hurts. Once that I realize that my spell with my dreams has broken, I then spend time justifying why I’m not jumping out of bed ready to join the rest of the living. My reasons for not getting up range from I will just check my email, of course that is followed by checking Facebook and Instagram, and then I have to search for something random on the internet. And oh, I better get caught up on the news. Next thing you know, an hour or two has passed. Then I force myself to get out of bed. The rest of the day is spent waiting until I can go back to bed. The real irony is that when I go to bed. Even after being exhausted from a busy day, I can’t fall asleep. I toss and turn, my mind jumps from one thing to another. It doesn’t shut off. Finally I pop a sleeping pill from my doctor. And eventually with the help of Downton Abbey, I fall asleep. Only to have the same thing happen the next morning.
I truly pray that through the changes I hope to make in my life, that my sleeping habits will improve. There is nothing more frustrating as lying in bed not being able to rest your mind, and nothing more sad than not wanting to wake up and welcome a new day.
This might explain a bit about my joy in giving up Coke, drinking caffeine and sugar all day long surely had an impact on my ability to shut my mind off.
My mom and my BFF Chris also thought about something that might help in my quest for sleep, and both bought me a weighted blanket. Have you heard of them? OMG, they are amazing. They make you feel like you’re being hugged all night long, without the snoring. I have found that since I started using one, I don’t flip and flop as much, I pretty much wake up in the same spot that I fell asleep in. This my friends is progress. If you too have a problem sleeping, I highly recommend one.
The other problems will take a little more than a heavy blanket, but know that baby steps are being made.
Thanks for listening. Love y'all.